tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post7691035121010527368..comments2023-06-18T04:08:27.625-05:00Comments on Journey to Motherhood and Beyond: Warning--crying may occur when reading thisMcMaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11873520091723141063noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-5228494015019382552010-03-08T21:33:43.876-06:002010-03-08T21:33:43.876-06:00I am feeling alot of those feelings now too. Alma...I am feeling alot of those feelings now too. Almaz and I had a rough day like that today. Hang in there!Mama Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03604273867577696345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-87905748034281726012010-03-06T20:37:11.294-06:002010-03-06T20:37:11.294-06:00Hi Mary - thanks for sharing in such a vulnerable ...Hi Mary - thanks for sharing in such a vulnerable way! I so appreciate your honesty! <br />Blessings!<br />KimberlyKimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01072701050744937534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-19433825966996426702010-03-04T10:22:47.576-06:002010-03-04T10:22:47.576-06:00Mary, that article was beautiful. Can you email i...Mary, that article was beautiful. Can you email it to me at rosekh@aol.com My little sister is pregnant with her first baby, and I would love to share it with her.Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05887194770121515089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-50240471660877358912010-03-03T21:09:57.345-06:002010-03-03T21:09:57.345-06:00You so summed up my feelings and that article is g...You so summed up my feelings and that article is great. It is true. Nothing else in life matters except for my child. A co worker once talked to me about how vulnerable we become when we become parents. No one ever told me that would happen. All the other mothers I knew seemed to have it all together. They seemed to have all the answers and they always just *knew* what to do or say. Turns out they really didn't know it all, it just looked like it. I get that now. <br /><br />I have said this a million times but I will say it again. We spend so much time preparing to help our child transition but there is only so much we do to help ourselves. How can you prepare yourself for the total immersion in another human being? I think it is more intense for us single parents too because we are it. We are the most important relationship to this child and, in turn, they are the most important relationship to us. There is no "competing", so to speak, with a spouse. <br /><br />Anyways. In some ways the emotions level out. You start to feel more confident and the better you know your child, the more comfortable you feel knowing what she needs. In other ways, the emotions never even out. My emotions are in someone else's hands and I can't control that person. Such is the nature of being a mother.Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06021169041622431205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-21825435687014413562010-03-03T21:09:26.797-06:002010-03-03T21:09:26.797-06:00Mary---such a poignant post! My relationship with...Mary---such a poignant post! My relationship with my daughter is certainly the most challenging relationship of my life (and also the most rewarding)---she is headstrong, independent,easily gets over upsets (as you mentioned)---and knows each and every trigger of mine. I won't mention all her positive qualities, for as with Hannah, they are numerous...but oh my...it can be soooo very taxing. I also think that single parenting amplifies all these moments---I am her ONLY target, I get to share ALL of her frustrations, I am there EXCLUSIVELY when she is exhausted. But I also get ALL her good night kisses, ALL her stories at the end of the day, and share ALL the ups and downs. It can be very hard not to have someone to divide all of these attentions with...good and bad. Especially those first couple of years, my feelings were raw...it does get better!<br />Thanks for sharing!!! Quaintanceqmillerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01463667398679853570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-41911435637905808672010-03-03T18:47:12.606-06:002010-03-03T18:47:12.606-06:00Thanks for including the tears warning. I loved t...Thanks for including the tears warning. I loved the article you included. All so true. I do think your feelings are all so normal as our Hannah's feelings. I know saying that doesn't make it easier but over time things will get better. Hugs to you.Three Northern Starshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02864374339336218279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15097409536912108.post-16849280086865169082010-03-03T16:05:59.995-06:002010-03-03T16:05:59.995-06:00Just so you know, there are all very normal emotio...Just so you know, there are all very normal emotions that you are feeling. Instead of post-partum emotional sensitivity- we'll call is post-adoption sensitivity! Also, I still have those pangs of 'hurt' on occasion when my boy wants his Grandma and Grandpa over me or freely goes to another Mom at daycare. Eventually you will see this as both relief (you'll get a break) and pride that your child will have a bond with her extended family.<br /><br />Also keep in mind that you are still working on bonding so don't try to dwell on these moments and let them get you down. This is a long road and it IS sometimes disheartening to realize that we Mommies are very bonded but the child is not as bonded to us. It took at least a year for Miras to really bond with us and to really show and give affection. So, that deep trust and co-dependency between Mom and child does take a while to develop. We've been finishing up some adoptive parent education and they provided some very good tips that you can perhaps use to step up the bonding rituals (beyond the normal ones of you being the only one to meet the child's basic needs): regress the child to a stage or two earlier in her development (e.g., hold her like a baby while she drinks from a bottle or sippy (and make eye contact), dress her, feed her, etc), do fun activities together just the two of you at home or at the park that have both a sensory component and an emotional component (touching, eye contacts, mimicking emotions), take a bath or shower together regularly where you get skin-to-skin contact and, rather than discipline in the 'normal' way, use "time-ins" where you are meeting the child's physical or emotional needs, including holding the child close to you when she is either acting up or "checked out" (both can indicate stress).<br /><br />I also think that there is a novelty factor to other people, especially certain types of people - which is very normal for a toddler. Miras LOVES older men as he sees them as potential Grandpas who are a lot of fun. He finally "got it" that Grandpas are related to you and not just any old guy! In fact, you will need to educate Hannah on the fact that strangers are sometimes nice but sometimes they are not and that she needs to ask your permission before going to someone that is familiar. This is normal to have to educate children on this topic. Also, regarding daycare, I wanted to let you know that we only put Miras in daycare 2 days/week for the first month so he could get used to the environment but wasn't spending more time there than he was at home (which will happen soon enough!) so he would still realize the difference between "home" and "school" and between "teacher" and "parent." Hang in there - one day you will look back and realize all the progress you made and it will make you cry happy tears! Really.Kelly and Snehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12694012810022647105noreply@blogger.com