Future Plans

Over the last week Hannah has told me at least four times that when she grows up she will be painting fingernails for other people--only girls, not boys. The boys can just sit and watch.
I have often thought of what Hannah could do in the future--be a nurse like me, be a doctor, teach school, run a company, design buildings, write stories, etc. but being a Manicurist never entered my mind. Just as long as she's happy.....

My Daughter and my Dad

Hannah seems to have this great love for my Dad. She talks about him a lot and has made up songs about him that usually are a variation of the following lyrics:
I Love my Grandpa
I really miss him
He is so nice
He is so good

She has frequently told me that she misses him and wishes she could see him.

Before I go farther, let me tell you that my Father passed away before I met Hannah. I did most of my preadoption education at his bedside in the hospital. We talked about the adoption and he was happy for me but he died before I got my homestudy done. Hannah knows that he lives in Heaven with God and that we can't see him but can talk to him whenever we want.

I was especially touched tonight.
Hannah was very talkative when I picked her up today but on the ride home she suddenly became silent for a long time. I turned around expecting to find her asleep but instead I saw a very sad looking girl with misty eyes and she said very quietly "I want my Grandpa". Choked me right up and I nearly cried myself but after a little silence we had a good conversation about my Dad.

The timing of my Dad's illnes and death was very hard for me and I knew that I would always wish that he and my daughter could have met. But..it seems that they have on some level and that makes me happy.

Long overdue post

So long since I have last blogged.....so many milestones in that time.

Fun times with friends--
A fancy tea with the Sugar Plum Fairy was a highlight of Hannah's. While there, she said "I feel just like a princess" and "Mom, can I come here again."
On the same weekend we attended "The Nutcracker" ballet on Friday night and "Disney Live--a tale of three princesses" with good friends Fiona and Julie. The girls absolutely loved both.

Our second Christmas together--
we had such a fun filled weekend at my brother's house with the whole family and then a quiet morning with just the two of us and Santa presents. What a joyful time. Prior to Christmas I took her to see Santa at the mall but she would not even walk close to him--just looked from afar (very far). I forgot to take her beautiful Christmas Dress on the trip to my brother's so what did mom do?--go shopping of course!
Favorite gift--a pink unicorn from Santa. "Just what I wanted". It is still her most played with toy.

Two Years as a family--
Adoption brings so many dates to remember.
Jan. 19th marked what I call family Day--the day a Russian judge said, "Da, you are the child's mother now". We celebrated with dinner and a movie. I gave Hannah a gift from Russia. We had a very special day.
Jan. 30th was the day I got custody.
Feb. 6th was the day we got home together.
Everyday makes me so thankful to be Hannah's mother.

Loosing teeth--
Hannah lost both of her top front teeth within a couple days of each other. She has been sporting a toothless grin for quite some time now.

Lots of sports---
jumped up into school age swimming lessons so she is in the big pool now and loving it. She will be taking the same class for the third time but is learning and getting better each time. Her teacher says she needs to work on her strokes but her confidence level is quite high!
Started tennis lessons during school and started ice skating lessons this winter. Both are sports to her liking and it is fun for Mom to watch.
Very little snow for cross country skiing this winter but Mom did get her out twice in our yard. She skated the 1K Barnebirkie in Hayward, WI again this year. Tradition is not lost on her as she remembered it from last year and wanted it to be just the same. It is such a fun time--one of my favorite days.

Many daily moments that make my heart swell with love, joy, and pride--
Hannah making up a song "I love my Mama. She is so beautiful. She is so nice. She is the best mommy in the whole universe. She is as pretty as me....."
Helping her to learn and learning from her in the process. She asks me why her forearm can't move and as I try to explain how the bones are put together she says "Oh--because that is the way God made me".
Hannah informing me that she needs to get married when she is six or seven but doesn't know who she will marry yet.
Running to me and throwing her arms around my neck every day when I pick her up at daycare.
Using the tone of a teenager and an eyeroll to tell me "Maaaaaahm--I make my own decisions".
Looking up at me out of the blue and asking for a hug.

I just love being this girl's mom. She is the best thing to happen to me. Everyday I look at her and wonder how I am so blessed to have this perfect little person in my life. Every night I pray that I can be a good Mama to her and that I can guide and teach her to be the best she can be.
All I can conclude is that God is so good. There is no other way to explain how this turned out so perfectly.

Two years

Two years ago today:
I met Hannah for the first time--in a visiting room in an orphanage in Sosnovaborsk, Russia--half way around the world.
She was shy, timid, very quiet, and absolutely perfect.

I looked back at my diary from that day. I wrote a pretty long detailed entry about the first visit with Hannah after I had processed it all but driving home from the orphanage I jotted down my first impression and it said:

She is the sweetest thing! My heart is full! She looked at my picture and said "Mom"!! I don't exactly feel like her mother yet but it came naturally to hug her, kiss her, and say "I'll love you forever". I got some smiles today but no real laughs. I can't wait to hear her laugh.

Two year update:
She is still the sweetest thing.
My heart is still full.
I absolutely feel like her Mother--because I am!!
It still feels natural to hug her, kiss her, and tell her "I love you forever." And...it is natural for her to give me hugs and kisses and say "I love you Mom--YOu are in my heart."
She laughs all the time and it sounds as wonderful as I thought it would.

Great weekend

The weekend started out with no definite plans at all--these are usually the best kind.
And the weather was glorious--high 60's on Sat., 70's on Sunday and both were very sunny. Great Indian summer.

Saturday morning was just a casual morning at home--we stayed in bed late (8am). We were up at the usual time (6am) but watched cartoons and played in bed until 8. I putzed around the house doing dishes, starting laundry, etc. while Hannah played. She plays so nicely by herself in the mornings. It just felt nice and comfortable--just our normal life. I still revel in that feeling--that Hannah and I have this normal life together.

We finally got going around noon.
Started our day purchasing tickets for Disney Live that is coming to town in Nov. Hannah thought the show was right away. No matter what suggestion I brought up for the rest of the day, she said "But, we have to see the show first". It took a while but she finally gave into the knowledge that the show was many days away.
Had lunch together at Panera and she was nearly a model for good restaurant behavior--that doesn't always happen so I was a happy Mama.

Our next stop was Oxbow Zoo--a small local zoo that Hannah really enjoys. She got to feed the goats and deer and pet the cows and horses so she was in heaven. We also ran into her Pre-K teacher from last year and spent some time with her and her daughter. We ended up spending almost 4 hours there. Just as we were walking past the bird cages to leave, they started feeding the eagles and owls. The owls eat mice and the eagles eat pocket gophers. They really tore at the poor little dead animals. I thought it was gross but it became the highlight of the day for Hannah. She can't wait to tell her friends.

Next stop--Lion King movie in 3D. Hannah loves the show so I knew it would be a big hit. She kept the glasses on all the way until the last 15 minutes and then all of a sudden she wanted to take the off. It was pretty cool but I decided that 3D was not cool enough to pay the extra money for.

After getting home, we were going to play baseball for a bit and just as we went outside, some neighborhood kids and their mom were walking by on their way to the park. Baseball did not hold the same excitement for Hannah so we tagged along to the park. Kids played until dark and had a blast.

After that I had one happy and sleepy kid--bedtime was easy.

Sunday was another great day.
Donut Sunday at church so that always starts it out right.

Did a quick and light lunch today--gave Hannah a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a banana, and some chips. When she got done she said "That was a very yummy lunch Mama-thank you". Guess she has simple tastes.

I got my car washed and the garage cleaned out--both were big jobs, especially the garage. Hannah alternated playing, riding her bike, and watching movies while I worked on the garage. At one point she said, "Why do yo always have to be busy?"
I have so many more jobs on my to-do list but it felt great to have these two done.

Just as I was getting done with the garage, Hannah came with the ball and bat to play baseball so we did that. It started out with me pitching and her hitting and then we switched roles. Hannah said "I need to practice so I get better". She did great in my opinion. I am not athletic at all and never have been. I did hit more balls than Hannah but that is only because her pitching is better than mine. I was quite proud of her--she was pretty focused on practicing and kept at it for quite a while. Everytime I would hit a ball she would squeel with delight and yell "Good one Mom" and if I missed she would say "That's okay--it's just practice".
It is nice to hear them copy the nice things you say.

Had swimming lessons tonight. She almost fell asleep on the way there which is not a good thing. When she gets her second wind but is still tired she can get so silly and hard to calm down. At the end of class her teacher said, "Boy--she was full of energy tonight, but that's okay--she was having fun." Just what I expected. Thank heavens for an understanding teacher.

Our conversation on the way home from swimming:
Hannah--Oh no Mom, we forgot to practice my letters.
Me--You are right and Ms. Drinkall said you need to practice your letters every day.
Hannah--but you forgot.
Me--with a little laugh--Oh, I forgot huh. I thought you were supposed to tell me.
Hannah--Oh, oopsie daisy. Sory Mama
Me--That's okay--how about if we remember together from now on. Deal?
Hannah--Deal. That is a great plan Mama.

Hannah has never been too excited to be in the learning mode with me as teacher but something changed this week. She has been quite agreeable and willing to do "school work" this week. She's been excited to work on her letters and it's been so fun doing that with her. She also had two little books sent home with her to read. I thought I would have to pursuade her to read them to me but she saw them tonight she was very excited to read them to Mom. She still reads by saying what is going on in the pictures but she did an awesome job.

She is a great kid and we had such a good time together.

I have a kindergartener

Kindergarten started Sept. 6th and the first day was great. She looked so cute and had such a good day. I took the day off so I was able to take her in just for the school hours--no before and after school care on this day. We had ice cream afterwards to celebrate this milestone.
Not every day at shool has been quite as wonderful. She still needs some reminders for sitting still and listening but is doing well. She is having to think and learn at a more intense level than preschool demanded and it shows. She is sleeping more--last week she fell asleep on the way home from school twice. The other day getting ready she said "Mom, I don't want to learn, I just want to play". Yeah--I know honey, sometimes I feel that way about work too.
Overall she is doing so well and I am so proud of her.

It's been a fun fall.
We had our first trip to an apple orchard with friends. It was lots of fun--they had animals and hay rides and other fun stuff for kids to do--but it hardly felt like fall as it was 80 degrees that day. Just noticed that we only have two apples left from that trip so we need to go back.

Our local nature center is one of Hannah's favorite places and they had a Fall Festival that we were able to attend. Hannah's favorite part is to see the snakes, fish, turtles, and other animals and it still was her favorite that day but they also had a kids carnival so we bought tickets and she got to play games, make crafts, and have her face painted. Oh--one of the big highlights was getting hot chocolate--she loved it and has asked for it almost every day since.

Spent a weekend at my Brother's for my Mom's birthday. Hannah's little cousin Mary Lou lives there and they have horses and dogs so Hannah was in heaven. Too bad we don't live closer.

She also attended a friend's birthday at Chuck E. Cheeses--"the coolest place ever". Since then she has asked everyone we see to come to her birthday. Good thing April is a long time away--I am counting on the fact that most of them will forget all about it.

Had a dentist appointment yesterday and she has her first cavity. Even though the dentist said it would only take 5 minutes, we had to make an appt to come back and have it filled.

Her personality is showing through more and more all the time.
She can get frustrated easily and I hear lots of grunts and other frustrated noises when she is doing something and it doesn't go right. I keep telling her "That's okay--just try again". When I turned at the wrong corner one day and said "Oh no--this is the wrong street" I hear a little voice from the back seat say "That's okay mom, just try again". It is always nice to have some confirmation that she really does listen.
When going from point A to point B she takes every detour she can find. One day when we needed to get going in a hurry I said, "Hannah just go straight to the car--don't stop and do anything on the way" She quickly replied, "But Mom--you just don't understand me!" And yes, she is only 5.
She is also such a sweetheart and gives me lots of hugs and kisses.
She continues to make up her own songs. The other day in the car she sang "I love my mommy, my mommy loves me, and we are together always because we are a family". I was smiling in the front seat for a long time.
She has never met my Dad as he passed away a little over a year before she came home but the other day she looked sad and said "I just miss my Grandpa" and then she started singing "I miss my Grandpa. He is my Grandpa and I really love him. And it makes me sad because I miss him and now he lives with God" Maybe it should have made me feel sad but really it just lit up my heart--she gets it and knows that he is a very important part of our lives even though she hasn't met him.
Oh, How I love that little girl.

She teaches me so much all the time. One of the big lessons recently was patience. She reminded me that I need to wait and reallly listen to others even if they are taking a while to get it said---what they have to say may be very important.
We were in the car, I was slightly frustrated from trying to get her in the car on time and then trying to hurry to get where we needed to be when she said "Mama" and I responded, "Yes Honey". I only heard a long pause with an occassional "um" thrown in so I said again "What honey". I still only got the same response so I was just ready to say something like "Just spit it out Hannah--what do you want?". I actually had my mouth open but just before I made any sound I heard a very meek voice say "I just really love you". Awwwww--all my frustration just melted away and I learned the importance of patience.

I have my moments too--I went through a week recently where I was just out of sorts and generally crabby. My life felt overwhelming and I felt that I just wasn't doing a good job at any of it--my job, my parenting, my friends, my finances, my housekeeping, etc. Then all of a sudden I snapped out of it. Nothing has really changed--I still have a messy house, I still wish I was home with Hannah more, had more time with friends, and less time at work and I wish I had more money in the bank but..it's my life and I am happy with it.
Motherhood does require some sacrifices but the payback is so worth it.

Summer's End

Tomorrow is our last big Hurrah for the summer--a trip to the "Great Minnesota Get Together"--our State Fair. And then Kindergarten starts......

We have had a great summer--our second together.
We did all the usual things that I did before Hannah like a week's vacation at the Lake with my sister and her family and our annual McNab Family Campout with the whole family. Both were more fun with Hannah. I had a good timetoo but It was the most fun to watch her having so much fun. She ran and played and swam and just loved being with her cousins--she is the youngest but she holds her own pretty well. Last year she was that much younger and everything was still so new to her that I had to really supervise her more, direct her more, and be there for the meltdowns. This year she just blossomed--she did great playing all day with her cousins, came to me for anything she needed, and had no meltdowns at all. It was so fun.

We also did some new things for Hannah--
A trip to my Aunt and Uncles over the fourth of July. They live on a lake and my brother was there with his family also. We had a blast and the two little girls stayed in the water most of the time--Hannah became really comfortable in the lake and was swimming all over with a life jacket on.

And some new things for both of us--
I enrolled her in two organized kids sports--a baseball camp for four weeks and a "sports sampler" where they learned four different sports. She was not a fan. After the first day at baseball camp she would tell me "Mom, I told you I don't like this" and she would rather play in the sand in the outfield than participate in the game. She didn't really like the sampler either. I made her stick them both out but we were both glad when they ended. I think next we will try things like dance or gymnastics to see if she likes them better. I would like ice skating too.

She is such a girlie-girl. She obsesses with her hair, always wants to wear dresses, and must pair the right shoes with them. I have to convince her to wear pants to the park and other play things where pants are best. Except for wearing dresses, it fits my personality too so I have no complaints. She is fun to dress up.

Her summer daycare was called "Explorer's Club" and she had a great time there. They went on field trips twice a week--to fun places like mini golf, bowling, movies, a really cool toy store, a climbing gym, local parks and fitness centers, and also learning things like the Eagle center, a cave, the library, and others I can't think of now. At the beginning of the summer she had trouble staying focused, staying with the group, etc but she really grew throughout the summer and I got consistently good reports for the last 2/3 of the summer--in fact the teachers told me she was most improved and that she was the most polite. I was very proud.

She really has matured lately and has been such a sweetheart--I can't even remember her last timeout because she is listening so much better. Here is one example:
The other night I had a haircut and color appointment and my babysitter cancelled. I could not find anyone so I took her with for a nearly two hour appt. I was very scared how it would go but she did awesome. She was very well behaved the whole time. I did bring my laptop with a movie so she watched that part of the time but she also occupied herself while staying in one place and not messing with anything at the hair salon. She even engaged my hairdresser in conversation. She won over my hairdresser and I was told I could bring her anytime.
She still has many five year old moments but there are days that I can't believe how easy she is to parent. I often look at her and wonder how I got so blessed.

So..now, after tomorrow summer comes to an end I really do think Hannah is ready for kindergarten. Am I ready..now that's another story.