My new favorite song

Hannah loves to sing...but she does not sing songs that she has learned...she just sings...whatever is in her head..sometimes it makes sense..sometimes it doesn't..and usually I just love what she sings.
This morning driving to school, she was pretending that she was a Princess horse that could talk and sing and she was putting on a show for all the other talking horses..and this is the song she sang at her show....
"When I was a baby, I dropped out of my family..
and no-one saw me.
Then one day a new person came...
She was a beautiful Mommy and...
She picked me up to be in her family"
I had smiles and tears all at the same time but couldn't let on to Hannah because I wanted her to keep singing.

I know my place!

Nothing is as humbling or puts you in place like a child. All of these examples happened in the last week so I am feeling very humbled and on occasion, slightly miffed!

riding home in the car I started singing along with the radio and Hannah says, "Mom, can you just stop singing? I just want to listen to them." "Really Mom, I mean it." When I explained to her that I really liked singing along to the music that was playing she said, "Well, just turn it off then" Ouch!

While walking in the park "I don't care if you are fat Mom, really I don't". Gee, thanks Honey.

We were at a big park with a cool playground that is so fun to run around on--even for adults. I was following Hannah around on it and she stops and says "Can you go off here and just watch me? I don't want you to follow me" which really means--"Go sit by the other parent on the sidelines--you are cramping my style".

I asked Hannah to do something for me and she looked at me, put her hands on her hips, and said "remember Mom, we have a magic word. What is the magic word Mom?" I said "Please" and she replied, "Good job, I will be happy to....".

When leaving for work and school in the morning, Hannah wanted to stop and do something she thought was fun. I told her we needed to go and she could do that when we got home after school. She just hung her head and said, "But you will forget". Yes, honey I usually do.

when she was sitting on my lap snuggling before bed she covered her head with her blanket (as she often does to go to sleep). I said -- you know I don't like it when you cover up your face and she replied "But I don't want to smell your breath"

When I got up from eating our dinner (Hannah was already done and had been dismissed)I walked into the next room. Hannah followed me, "Umm--Mom, did you forget something?" I didn't have any idea what she was talking about until she pointed to the table--I hadn't picked up my dishes and put them in the sink. That is the rule in our house--you put your dishes in the sink when you are done.

Man--I can't get away with anything around this girl!!!

Then one moment like this makes all those others worth it--
Hannah--"Mom--even if I get angry at you or you get angry at me, you still love me and I still love you." I said "Yes that is right, We always love each other" and she replied "That's why we are family together forever!" with a big smile, hug, and even a kiss!

6 years old!!

Hannah's birthday fell on Easter this year--April 8th. I had the great idea to have my family come here to celebrate with us. I only have a 2 bedroom townhome but they could all stay at a hotel--we could celebrate Hannah's birthday Sat. night at the hotel with swimming and then have Easter dinner at my house. I ran it by my family and they all jumped on board--25 people coming to my house.
I worried about how it would all turn out--would I get the house cleaning done on time, could I fit everyone in for dinner, would I have enough food--too much food, etc. Everyone got here and with help from all of them the weekend was so good-- my brothers fixed up some things in my house that needed fixing, we had a great time at the hotel Saturday--good food, fun birthday party, fun swimming, we all made it to church on time, food got done on time, we had just the right amount, good weather so we could eat in the garage and have the egg hunt outside, and we had a great time. In Hannah's words "Easter is so fun".

We celebrated two major events--
Most important--the rising of our Savior Jesus Christ.
It was just a wonderful feeling to be sitting with so much family at church and sharing our faith together. The music was amazing and just seemed to fill my soul. Hannah was catching so much of what they were saying and singing and she asked me alot of questions about it. We had a few more whispered conversations than I usually like during church but it was all to help explain the meaning to her and answer her questions so I didn't mind. She was engaged. I always feel the awesomeness of Easter on this day and I wish I could keep that awareness all the time, every day.

The other big event of the weekend was Hannah's sixth birthday. I was really surprised at how emotional this birthday was for me. For some reason it just seemed like my little girl is getting too old. I couldn't stop looking at her. It was hard to say good-night on Saturday because I knew it was her last night as a five year old. I almost cried.
In the morning I woke up next to a six year old--it just sounds so grown up. The first thing I said to her was "Happy Birthday my big girl". I got a huge smile, a "Thank you Mama" and then a big hug. All was right with the world again.

Future Plans

Over the last week Hannah has told me at least four times that when she grows up she will be painting fingernails for other people--only girls, not boys. The boys can just sit and watch.
I have often thought of what Hannah could do in the future--be a nurse like me, be a doctor, teach school, run a company, design buildings, write stories, etc. but being a Manicurist never entered my mind. Just as long as she's happy.....

My Daughter and my Dad

Hannah seems to have this great love for my Dad. She talks about him a lot and has made up songs about him that usually are a variation of the following lyrics:
I Love my Grandpa
I really miss him
He is so nice
He is so good

She has frequently told me that she misses him and wishes she could see him.

Before I go farther, let me tell you that my Father passed away before I met Hannah. I did most of my preadoption education at his bedside in the hospital. We talked about the adoption and he was happy for me but he died before I got my homestudy done. Hannah knows that he lives in Heaven with God and that we can't see him but can talk to him whenever we want.

I was especially touched tonight.
Hannah was very talkative when I picked her up today but on the ride home she suddenly became silent for a long time. I turned around expecting to find her asleep but instead I saw a very sad looking girl with misty eyes and she said very quietly "I want my Grandpa". Choked me right up and I nearly cried myself but after a little silence we had a good conversation about my Dad.

The timing of my Dad's illnes and death was very hard for me and I knew that I would always wish that he and my daughter could have met. But..it seems that they have on some level and that makes me happy.

Long overdue post

So long since I have last blogged.....so many milestones in that time.

Fun times with friends--
A fancy tea with the Sugar Plum Fairy was a highlight of Hannah's. While there, she said "I feel just like a princess" and "Mom, can I come here again."
On the same weekend we attended "The Nutcracker" ballet on Friday night and "Disney Live--a tale of three princesses" with good friends Fiona and Julie. The girls absolutely loved both.

Our second Christmas together--
we had such a fun filled weekend at my brother's house with the whole family and then a quiet morning with just the two of us and Santa presents. What a joyful time. Prior to Christmas I took her to see Santa at the mall but she would not even walk close to him--just looked from afar (very far). I forgot to take her beautiful Christmas Dress on the trip to my brother's so what did mom do?--go shopping of course!
Favorite gift--a pink unicorn from Santa. "Just what I wanted". It is still her most played with toy.

Two Years as a family--
Adoption brings so many dates to remember.
Jan. 19th marked what I call family Day--the day a Russian judge said, "Da, you are the child's mother now". We celebrated with dinner and a movie. I gave Hannah a gift from Russia. We had a very special day.
Jan. 30th was the day I got custody.
Feb. 6th was the day we got home together.
Everyday makes me so thankful to be Hannah's mother.

Loosing teeth--
Hannah lost both of her top front teeth within a couple days of each other. She has been sporting a toothless grin for quite some time now.

Lots of sports---
jumped up into school age swimming lessons so she is in the big pool now and loving it. She will be taking the same class for the third time but is learning and getting better each time. Her teacher says she needs to work on her strokes but her confidence level is quite high!
Started tennis lessons during school and started ice skating lessons this winter. Both are sports to her liking and it is fun for Mom to watch.
Very little snow for cross country skiing this winter but Mom did get her out twice in our yard. She skated the 1K Barnebirkie in Hayward, WI again this year. Tradition is not lost on her as she remembered it from last year and wanted it to be just the same. It is such a fun time--one of my favorite days.

Many daily moments that make my heart swell with love, joy, and pride--
Hannah making up a song "I love my Mama. She is so beautiful. She is so nice. She is the best mommy in the whole universe. She is as pretty as me....."
Helping her to learn and learning from her in the process. She asks me why her forearm can't move and as I try to explain how the bones are put together she says "Oh--because that is the way God made me".
Hannah informing me that she needs to get married when she is six or seven but doesn't know who she will marry yet.
Running to me and throwing her arms around my neck every day when I pick her up at daycare.
Using the tone of a teenager and an eyeroll to tell me "Maaaaaahm--I make my own decisions".
Looking up at me out of the blue and asking for a hug.

I just love being this girl's mom. She is the best thing to happen to me. Everyday I look at her and wonder how I am so blessed to have this perfect little person in my life. Every night I pray that I can be a good Mama to her and that I can guide and teach her to be the best she can be.
All I can conclude is that God is so good. There is no other way to explain how this turned out so perfectly.

Two years

Two years ago today:
I met Hannah for the first time--in a visiting room in an orphanage in Sosnovaborsk, Russia--half way around the world.
She was shy, timid, very quiet, and absolutely perfect.

I looked back at my diary from that day. I wrote a pretty long detailed entry about the first visit with Hannah after I had processed it all but driving home from the orphanage I jotted down my first impression and it said:

She is the sweetest thing! My heart is full! She looked at my picture and said "Mom"!! I don't exactly feel like her mother yet but it came naturally to hug her, kiss her, and say "I'll love you forever". I got some smiles today but no real laughs. I can't wait to hear her laugh.

Two year update:
She is still the sweetest thing.
My heart is still full.
I absolutely feel like her Mother--because I am!!
It still feels natural to hug her, kiss her, and tell her "I love you forever." And...it is natural for her to give me hugs and kisses and say "I love you Mom--YOu are in my heart."
She laughs all the time and it sounds as wonderful as I thought it would.