Yesterday started out with kind of a let down. I received a weekly update from my Agency that gave the current statistics. We have 32 dossiers at the MOE and 18 at the MOFA, which is where mine is. This means that there are at least 32 families ahead of me. We have had only one family travel to Kazakhstan in the last two months. The math just does not add up very great at that rate. I was kind of down for a while and started thinking about how long I would wait and if there was a cut off point at which time I would abandon my journey to motherhood. It is so hard to think about. However I quickly realized that I absolutely did not want to abandon this dream and I had full trust in God until this point so I will definitely not give up but keep praying for speedy processes within our agency.
Our agency also said that they are working to develop relationships with more baby houses and hope to complete more adoptions this year so that is encouraging news.
We have heard about so many kids in need of good homes from those who have already traveled and seen the baby houses and from the great ladies that operate "Two Hearts for Hope"--see the link on the right hand column. It is very hard to understand how it can be that way and yet be so hard to adopt one of them. If you are reading this please pray for all the waiting parents and waiting children to be brought together in loving homes.
Now--this morning I felt a little more hopeful. I had a dream about my adoption last night that I actually still remember and I usually never remember my dreams. In my dream our agency sent us a picture of several children at a baby house. In the picture all of the children were holding a sign with the name(s) of their prospective parent(s) on it. Right in the front and middle was a very lovely little girl with dark hair smiling big and holding a sign with my name on it--not only was she in the front but her sign with my name on it was the biggest one there and my name was all in glitter. Now I am not sure if dreams just represent what we want to be true or if they can foretell the future but I am sticking with predicting the future theory for now.
It is so weird how this journey can consume your thoughts and be so up and down. I have never been terribly emotional so this is sure something new to me.
On another note--I tried a new exercise class this morning called Zumba Dance. It is a form of latin dance/exercise. I have never shaked my chest and hips so much before. Not only did I get a good work out but the endorphins were really flying as I laughed at myself through most of it. I am not a dancer so I was quite a sight as I did butterfly arms and all those fast hip shakes. Most fun I've had exercising in a long time.
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12 comments:
Hi - I tried sending you a email to thank you for your comments - no luck. Anyway Thank you so much I appreciate your kind words of support-it's been a difficult ride but I am hopeful this is the path we are meant to take.
The Kaz blog family is one of great support & inspiration and I follow
along with everyone's journey. Thank you & I will certainly be following along on yours!
Thank you so much again.
Darlene
My heart goes out to you Mary. I can imagine the hurt and anxiety the wait gives you, I do understand entirely. As you know I had many fears about it myself.
Know it will happen. You will to go Kaz and meet the child that is right for you. She may not hold up a glitter sign with your name on it, but someday you will get that glitter sign that says "I love you Mom:" and that will be even better than you can have imagined.
As for Zumba I've heard about it and hear its a blast and that you need to take your friends with you! What fun. Never did it yet. but as soon as I can get up and shake my booty I will find a class and go with you "cyberly!"
Hey. i didnt get that update! so that means that there are at least 40 families ahead of me! I was prepared for the 2 year wait but it seems to be getting longer and longer! i think my dossier is still at the consulate. do you know how long yours was there???
Hey Sam--
I've been hoping to hear from you. I haven't been able to follow your blog since it went private. could I please get an invitation? My email is mcnab.mary@mayo.edu
Also--if you send me your email I will forward the update from CHI if you don't get it.
Thanks, Mary
Hi Mary,
I have been follwing you blog. I am also a fellow CHI waiting family. Email me sometime, we have almost identical dates. kerryregentin@yahoo.com
Your dream is sweet :) Keep believing, keep praying. We are praying for you! Also - one never knows with Kaz, there isn't always a definite order :)
Hang in there, Mary! I haven't even begun the paper chase yet, so you're WAY ahead of some of us! I know that once I am standing in your shoes though, it will be a true test of patience and endurance during the "wait"...I dread the long drawn-out parts, as well. Sometimes I think that God brings us comfort in dreams like that, as a way of reassuring us that He is still in control...and that in His perfect timing, your little girl will be there waiting for you to come and take her home. I believe He has already matched you with your child, and when the day comes, you'll understand most of the current unknowns, and know that it was worth the "wait". Besides, with all that is happening with your dad right now, it's possible that God is waiting because you might be needed more for your father right now, and the good Lord doesn't want to put more on your plate than you can sanely handle at one time. You're in my prayers, Mary. And I have heard story after story about how there is not always a sequencial order in Kaz, so you may get to budge ahead of others. In any case, I truly believe God has your best interest at heart, and already knows the exact child he has for you. You obviously have so much love to share, and you are going to make a wonderful mother! The good Lord is already at work cultivating that w/in you! Blessings to you, Mary!! <><
~Tanya~
Try not to obsess about it too much. It will happen when your little girl with the glittery sign is ready for you to come and get her and carry her home. And it will all be worth it in the end.
(Now I just need to follow this advice myself!)
hey it's Lisa, looking for Sam, did u read about my dream, similar but I had mine & Sams name on the baby bed. I believe in dreams, my dream was huge in deciding the name, now I can't come up with anything better. Anyway, the thing that is keeping me positive is that there is no rhyme or reason to the order..... Maybe our age will get them moving!!
Mary, your dream gave me goosebumps. Every tiny hair on my body is still standing up! Hold onto that image from your dream. Picture it every day. Especially those days when the wait seems extra hard. If that little child made that sign extra big AND glittery, she really wanted you to notice it.
-Suzanne
What a dream! That is very encouraging. Did you wake up crying? I would have. :) It will happen for you, God is in control and will not let you down.
Hang in there Mary. We thought we'd never travel and then it happened in a blink of an eye. The wait is so painfully long and all consuming. (There were times I thought I'd be fired from my job because I spent my days blogging and emailing instead of on deadlines.)
Sending positive energy from Uralsk.
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