Attachment and Love is an active process and evolves (changes) over time.
In the beginning Hannah would say "I love you" in response to me saying it. I am sure it was at least in part because she knew that was what was expected.
After starting Daycare and hanging with her little friends I started getting big hugs and smiles with a very sincere "I like you Mom". This felt so good because it was so sincere and I knew that in her world "I like you" was the highest compliment and meant I really like to spend time with you.
Then at some point Hannah started saying "I love you" spontaneously without me saying it first. As monumental as this is and for wonderful it feels you would think I would remember the first time but...sad to say I don't.
Lately she has been very generous with her "I love you"s to me. She frequently reaches her hand out to me or slides up to me and then gives me a big smile, says "I love you" and follows it with a hug.
I am in heaven!!!!!
This past week on vacation Hannah played hard with her cousins and three other nice kids they met at the resort. They had wonderful fun and Hannah seemed to hardly notice me but she definitely noticed when I wasn't right around and she hollered for me when she was hungry, needed to go potty, or needed help in general. I guess that is the role of a Mother.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Adoption in our lives
Hannah has never really talked about her time in Russia or her life before me but every now and then the realization hits one of us in some small or big way. I try to be very open and matter of fact about it like it is just part of our life, because it is--just part of our story.
Some of the ways it has shown itself:
1. At one time she came across my pictures from my visits with her at the orphanage. This was early on when she wasn't able to express herself in English very well. About half way through them she just put them away and turned to me with a big long hard hug. I couldn't tell if she was saying "Thanks for bringing me home" or "Don't make me go back" but she hung on for dear life.
2. She knows that she had a first mom in Russia and then went to live in the orphanage but has never asked why. She also is keenly aware that she doesn't have a Dad and will often say her Dad is sick and is in Russia. I haven't really figured out how to handle the birth father thing yet--partly because I don't know any facts and partly because there is no current father that has take over that role. She really likes other Dad's. She loves my brother's and brother in laws and all of her friends Dads.
3. One day when she was really sad about something she said she wanted to go back to Russia because she missed her kids. I had some video of the group of kids from her orphanage so we watched that--she sat enthralled but did not want to talk about it when done.
4. We were watching a movie where a horse licked an icicle and his tongue got stuck so we talked about why that happens with ice and Hannah said, "I did that before" and when I responded "You did??" she said "Yes--when I was little in Russia" and I then asked what she licked and she said "Just the fence". Again--is it real or not? I just don't know but it could be.
5. the most recent happened on vacation this past week and tugged at my heart strings. It happened very unexpectedly. We were in an ice cream shop and eating our ice cream. A young couple with a baby sat down at the table next to me and the wife held the baby and talked baby talk to him and generally cooed over him. Hannah stared at this for a bit and then asked "Mom when I was a baby who did that to me?"
So..it is not an overwhelming topic every day but it is in our lives every day. I just hope I can provide the right answers at the right time and always make her feel very loved.
Some of the ways it has shown itself:
1. At one time she came across my pictures from my visits with her at the orphanage. This was early on when she wasn't able to express herself in English very well. About half way through them she just put them away and turned to me with a big long hard hug. I couldn't tell if she was saying "Thanks for bringing me home" or "Don't make me go back" but she hung on for dear life.
2. She knows that she had a first mom in Russia and then went to live in the orphanage but has never asked why. She also is keenly aware that she doesn't have a Dad and will often say her Dad is sick and is in Russia. I haven't really figured out how to handle the birth father thing yet--partly because I don't know any facts and partly because there is no current father that has take over that role. She really likes other Dad's. She loves my brother's and brother in laws and all of her friends Dads.
3. One day when she was really sad about something she said she wanted to go back to Russia because she missed her kids. I had some video of the group of kids from her orphanage so we watched that--she sat enthralled but did not want to talk about it when done.
4. We were watching a movie where a horse licked an icicle and his tongue got stuck so we talked about why that happens with ice and Hannah said, "I did that before" and when I responded "You did??" she said "Yes--when I was little in Russia" and I then asked what she licked and she said "Just the fence". Again--is it real or not? I just don't know but it could be.
5. the most recent happened on vacation this past week and tugged at my heart strings. It happened very unexpectedly. We were in an ice cream shop and eating our ice cream. A young couple with a baby sat down at the table next to me and the wife held the baby and talked baby talk to him and generally cooed over him. Hannah stared at this for a bit and then asked "Mom when I was a baby who did that to me?"
So..it is not an overwhelming topic every day but it is in our lives every day. I just hope I can provide the right answers at the right time and always make her feel very loved.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
words, concepts, language
It seems to me that Hannah has had a huge jump in comprehension and use of her language--she is grasping concepts that I think are quite advanced. I don't know if I can explain it very well but...here goes...
She fixes her own hair every morning and almost always makes one ponytail. However she is obsessed with her hair and refixes it multiple times per day. So I thought I would give her some new ideas and I fixed her hair in a new style that I thought she would really like. She took one look in the mirror and said "It is pretty Mom but actually, I like it better this way" and promptly undid it and made one ponytail again.
When I was putting her in her car seat the other morning she started the follwoing conversation.
Hannah--Mom will you get married some day?
Me---I don't know but maybe
Hannah--Well I need to find you a boy (small pause) Where is a boy??
Me--that is the big question Hannah. I don't know where.
Hannah looked pensive and then said "Well,you can dance alone"
She was sitting on the potty and wrinkled her nose and said "Ewwwwww"
I said "Oh--is your kaka stinky?" and she very seriously answers, "No, isn't. It is something outside but I don't know what."
We had a fun afternoon playing in our neighborhood park with a couple neighbor boys. Tonight while we were eating Hannah said "I want to play with Stefan and Milan so I will pray to God" and then she folded her hands and looked up to heaven and said,
"Dear God, I want to play with Stefan and Milan again someday because I really like them. Please Please God. Thank you God"
She also has grand ideas. She asked me for a barn. She thinks if she just has a barn she can have a horse a pony, a cow, a goat, chickens a bunny, a dog, and a cat. I am sure she will think of more animals to put in there too. I haven't checked with my townhome assn to see if that will be a problem or not--haha.
Every night when I put her to bed she asks "What is in the morning?". I usually tell her school or on Sat. night I say "Church". Last night I told her the morning was Saturday and she asked "Saturday--no school, no church?" When I told her that was right, she let a very enthuiastic "Yay".
Saturday morning is the favorite for both of us. She still wakes up at 6 or 6:30 but she turns on my bedroom TV and sits in bed with me. She watches cartoons and plays in bed while I alternate with playing with her and dozing off. We finally get out of bed about 8am and make breakfast together. It is the best day.
I suppose none of these things really qualifies her for genius status but..she seems pretty brilliant to me (in more ways than one).
She fixes her own hair every morning and almost always makes one ponytail. However she is obsessed with her hair and refixes it multiple times per day. So I thought I would give her some new ideas and I fixed her hair in a new style that I thought she would really like. She took one look in the mirror and said "It is pretty Mom but actually, I like it better this way" and promptly undid it and made one ponytail again.
When I was putting her in her car seat the other morning she started the follwoing conversation.
Hannah--Mom will you get married some day?
Me---I don't know but maybe
Hannah--Well I need to find you a boy (small pause) Where is a boy??
Me--that is the big question Hannah. I don't know where.
Hannah looked pensive and then said "Well,you can dance alone"
She was sitting on the potty and wrinkled her nose and said "Ewwwwww"
I said "Oh--is your kaka stinky?" and she very seriously answers, "No, isn't. It is something outside but I don't know what."
We had a fun afternoon playing in our neighborhood park with a couple neighbor boys. Tonight while we were eating Hannah said "I want to play with Stefan and Milan so I will pray to God" and then she folded her hands and looked up to heaven and said,
"Dear God, I want to play with Stefan and Milan again someday because I really like them. Please Please God. Thank you God"
She also has grand ideas. She asked me for a barn. She thinks if she just has a barn she can have a horse a pony, a cow, a goat, chickens a bunny, a dog, and a cat. I am sure she will think of more animals to put in there too. I haven't checked with my townhome assn to see if that will be a problem or not--haha.
Every night when I put her to bed she asks "What is in the morning?". I usually tell her school or on Sat. night I say "Church". Last night I told her the morning was Saturday and she asked "Saturday--no school, no church?" When I told her that was right, she let a very enthuiastic "Yay".
Saturday morning is the favorite for both of us. She still wakes up at 6 or 6:30 but she turns on my bedroom TV and sits in bed with me. She watches cartoons and plays in bed while I alternate with playing with her and dozing off. We finally get out of bed about 8am and make breakfast together. It is the best day.
I suppose none of these things really qualifies her for genius status but..she seems pretty brilliant to me (in more ways than one).
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Hannah and Mommy's story
I have a friend who adopted before I did and has been an inspiration, a cheerleader, an advice giver, and a good supporter all through my adoption journey to Hannah.
Today I received an email from her with a link to a book she had made for her daughter that told their story to becoming a family. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. She explained how she told that story to her daughter every night. It started out as a little story and grew as her daughter asked for more and more details and finally participated in the story telling herself. I could tell that the ritual of telling this story was something very precious and special to both of them and she had it made into a book they could keep forever.
I had the wonderful priviledge of reading the book in it's entirety and was really moved.
I have told Hannah basic parts of her adoption story and her beginnings but after reading this story I realized that I had never told the story from start to finish to Hannah so...
on the ride hoem from daycare today I asked Hannah if she wanted to hear the Hannah and Mama story. She said yes and the rest is history. Hannah and Mama's story was made up--in very crude form as I was talking off the top of my head--and Hannah soaked it up. she was enthralled and participated in the details and asked questions "why was I scared Mama". She was really engaged and it was fun. As soon as I got done she said "Now can you tell the story of Belle and the beast? Please Mama". A bit of an abrupt ending for me but I switched gears and told the story of Belle and the beast.
Tonight after reading her two books for bedtime, she asked "Can you tell the Hannah sotry again" and so I did. She was just as engaged and it was a really fun bonding time for both of us.
Once again, Louann, you are a genious and very creative. Thank you so much for this idea. We now have a new favorite bedtime story. I may just have to steal the printed book idea from you also.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A moment of panic
Today Hannah asked to see the movies of Hannah--which means the videos I have on my camcorder of her. My camcorder is a hard drive with pretty big memory and I have not downloaded any of my videos since the first visit to Russia so we just hook up the camera and watch them.
Today we I hooked up the camcorder and there were no videos on it--NONE!. I thought I must have done something wrong and tried everything I knew to try with the camera but NOTHING! This meant I had no videos of Hannah, no videos of the orphanage or Russia, no video of our Gotcha moment, etc. I freaked out and Hannah couldn't understand what happened. Finally I convinced myself to calm down and think. I called Sony and asked if their was any way to recover deleted videos. They said YES! It isn't free but all I had to do was send them my camcorder and they would recover it and put it on a DVD for me. I mailed it in today. Of course there are no guarentees but I am hopeful again.
I will keep you updated.
Today we I hooked up the camcorder and there were no videos on it--NONE!. I thought I must have done something wrong and tried everything I knew to try with the camera but NOTHING! This meant I had no videos of Hannah, no videos of the orphanage or Russia, no video of our Gotcha moment, etc. I freaked out and Hannah couldn't understand what happened. Finally I convinced myself to calm down and think. I called Sony and asked if their was any way to recover deleted videos. They said YES! It isn't free but all I had to do was send them my camcorder and they would recover it and put it on a DVD for me. I mailed it in today. Of course there are no guarentees but I am hopeful again.
I will keep you updated.
Friday, May 6, 2011
My little drama queen
A month ago for her birthday I took Hannah to the musical "Beauty and the Beast". I knew she had fun but today I really found out how much she enjoyed it.
I don't why it took her a month to do this but she wanted to play "Belle" and of course she was Belle.
I played the parts of the Beast, the Prince, and Belle's father. She told me the scenes she wanted to play and then we acted them out. She played Belle mad, sad, and very happy. Boy did she nail all the emotions complete with appropriate body language.
It scared me a little bit how well she acted out meeting the prince when she said "I really really love you Prince" and gave me a big kiss on the mouth. Oh my--she is only five.
I think I may have an actress on my hands.
This princess thing has really gotten to her bad. I decided I have to do some reprogramming after we had the following conversation today at her pretend kitchen:
H:--Lets eat together
me: Okay, lets have soup.
H;--You make it
me:--Aren't you going to make it?
H--No, I don't like to cook
me:--but I would like your help
H:--Princesses don't cook!
I don't why it took her a month to do this but she wanted to play "Belle" and of course she was Belle.
I played the parts of the Beast, the Prince, and Belle's father. She told me the scenes she wanted to play and then we acted them out. She played Belle mad, sad, and very happy. Boy did she nail all the emotions complete with appropriate body language.
It scared me a little bit how well she acted out meeting the prince when she said "I really really love you Prince" and gave me a big kiss on the mouth. Oh my--she is only five.
I think I may have an actress on my hands.
This princess thing has really gotten to her bad. I decided I have to do some reprogramming after we had the following conversation today at her pretend kitchen:
H:--Lets eat together
me: Okay, lets have soup.
H;--You make it
me:--Aren't you going to make it?
H--No, I don't like to cook
me:--but I would like your help
H:--Princesses don't cook!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Another great day
Had another awesome day.
It started out with the best part. I made oatmeal for breakfast and we were just sitting there eating it when Hannah turned to me, put her hand on my arm, and said "You are my best Mom forever. I don't want to get another mom ever". I just smiled, hugged her, and reassured her we would be together forever. I sure do love that girl.
Had a morning birthday party for one of her classmates at "Bounce World". The party was a good time and the kids had a blast. Afterwards Hannah and two of her friends, Zara and Peter, stayed and played in the bouncy houses for another 90 minutes. It was fun to sit and talk with the other two Mom's during that time and discuss all kinds of kid things and also get to know them better too. Hannah and her two friends had such a good time together--it was so fun to watch them.
The three hours of bouncing really wore her out. When I told her it was time for a nap, she said "Yay" and practically ran to the bed. That has never happened before.
Tonight I hosted a little play date at our house. Two of my friends came over --one has a two year old and the other has a three year old and a one year old. They took a little while to warm up but all the girls played very well together. Toys Toys everywhere but so much fun.
That is my life now--the best days are when Hannah has a great time and I can enjoy it too.
I love my life!
It started out with the best part. I made oatmeal for breakfast and we were just sitting there eating it when Hannah turned to me, put her hand on my arm, and said "You are my best Mom forever. I don't want to get another mom ever". I just smiled, hugged her, and reassured her we would be together forever. I sure do love that girl.
Had a morning birthday party for one of her classmates at "Bounce World". The party was a good time and the kids had a blast. Afterwards Hannah and two of her friends, Zara and Peter, stayed and played in the bouncy houses for another 90 minutes. It was fun to sit and talk with the other two Mom's during that time and discuss all kinds of kid things and also get to know them better too. Hannah and her two friends had such a good time together--it was so fun to watch them.
The three hours of bouncing really wore her out. When I told her it was time for a nap, she said "Yay" and practically ran to the bed. That has never happened before.
Tonight I hosted a little play date at our house. Two of my friends came over --one has a two year old and the other has a three year old and a one year old. They took a little while to warm up but all the girls played very well together. Toys Toys everywhere but so much fun.
That is my life now--the best days are when Hannah has a great time and I can enjoy it too.
I love my life!
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