Monday, August 25, 2008

Time for decisions

This past weekend we had my parents 50th wedding anniversary party--August 23rd was their actual wedding date. It was a great day and they had a wonderful time--more about that on a later post--hopefully with pictures.

On the adoption front--I have so appreciated all the support from fellow bloggers--my family and friends are great and supportive but don't really understand all the stuff going on in IA--not that we really do either but at least you really understand how it affects me and your support has been tremendous.

In between party planning I have tried to research options--it is time to move on.
I still feel the sadness of losing out on Kazakhstan--I really thought my daughter was there and I grieve for the little girl I never met there. I truly hope that the changes they are making help all the orphans in Kaz find homes and I pray for them daily.
I don't feel like I can start over in Kazakhstan with all the uncertainty that looms for singles adopting there.
I looked for good programs that could likely accomplish an adoption for a single woman in one year or less which didn't leave a lot open.

I think I have narrowed it down to two options.
1. Krygyzstan--this program is very similar to Kaz except that they do referrals and give information about the child prior to travel. the country and children are similar to Kaz so it feels familiar to me and I like that. they do not allow gender selection (with most agencies) and I can go with that. The downside is that it is a very small country so there are fewer children and many more PAP's are looking at it since Kaz has gotten so much more difficult. I have joined a Krygyzstan chat group and just like the Kaz group, they are an amazing group and I have made friends already. that is the advantage of the smaller group--I already feel like I know some of them.
2. Russia--This is a very long established program that has been very stable in the past year. They do still allow single parents and gender selection. this is a much larger group of PAP's so it doesn't feel quite as personal but still a great bunch of people. The biggest advantage of this program is the proven stablity. While there are no guarantees in IA--this sounds about as close as you can get to one.

With each option I have a specific agency in mind. I don't want to name the agencies yet but I have had great conversations with both. I have been impressed with the people I have contacted and they both sound very promising. The Krygyzstan agency is smaller and so is the country--for some reason this appeals to me but I liked that about Kazakhstan when choosing that and it didn't turn out so well.
The agency with Russia is the largest one there and works with about 25 regions in Russia. They have been very stable which is very attractive to me at this point.
How do I decide what to do??? I need to pray and think and then just dive in.

Any comments, suggestions, prayers or well wishes you could send my way would be greatly appreciated. I definitely want to stay connected with all the Kaz families I have come to know through this process--I love reading about your families and adoption journeys and you have been my support for the last 18 months so I don't want to lose that.


the regentins said...

Gosh.....I don't know alot about either country & their programs. I think that you have the right idea....joining chat groups etc., you have been througo so much and have learned a great deal like the rest of us in regards to I/A through your experience...I know that you will come to the right decision for you! Good Luck..I will email you!

John & Jenny Morgan said...

I'm so sorry you have to change countries and agencies. We also had to change programs a year into adopting from India, and we were devastated. So, we understand your dissapointment, frustration, and uncertainty.

Personally, we chose to switch to Kaz because, at the time, the program seemed stable and families were completing the process much more quickly there than in other countries. We just didn't want to risk trying an less established, more drawn-out program because that didn't work out so well for us the first time and we didn't think we could endure that again.

Unfortunately, there is no predicting how things will end up with any program or agency. Whatever you chose, however, you will be glad to have made that choice once you are united with your child. Good luck! I know this is a tough decision, and I wish you all the best!

Rose said...


I'm sure this has been a tough decision for you, but I believe that you are being lead to your child and that everything truly does happen the way it's supposed to. I know it means very little when you're waiting and things are up in the air, but in the end I think it all works out as it's meant to.

I too worry about Kaz and singles. The way I'm looking at it is that, if my daughter is in Kaz, the laws won't keep me from finding her. If the laws change and I end up somewhere else, it means my daughter is somewhere else!! Much easier to say than to believe and follow through with, but it keeps me going!!

Best of luck...I'll be following along!


Karen said...

Wow Mary--I'm surprised to read all this. But I believe you're making the right move. Sadly, the situation in Kaz for singles and folks over 50 are a bit precarious at the moment. I too changed programs at mid-stream because it seemed the Vietnam program was coming to a standstill and sadly my hunch was right.

If I were having to choose between two countries I'd find people who have adopted there and ask how their children were cared for in the baby houses. Did the caretakers seem loving? Was the building clean and cheerful? That's what I heard about Kaz from other adoptive families and it was all true once I got over there. Trust your heart--it'll lead you to your daughter.

I'll be praying for you,

The Gobble's (Lanetta) said...


just wanted you to know we are praying for you... you have our support and prayers... and we can't wait to watch as you are led to your baby girl!!

qmiller said...

Mary: Wow...what a tough period of time for you--I am so sorry that this door seems to be closing. I understand your concerns re: Kaz and singles, and certainly different agencies seem to have less of a backlog of clients to move through their systems, making it feel so unfair at times.
I think your idea of joining the various groups is a good one. Seems as if I've heard of folks backing away from Kyrgz. because of slowdowns, but it may be isolated to agencies with pilot programs.
I also changed countries after 7 mos. of waiting during changes in Guatemala...and it ended up being the best decision of my life!
Hang in there and I look forward to following along on your journey to your child!

Matthew and Suzanne said...

I am so sorry that you have to come to this decision. Its very difficult to make changes when you are so far into the program. My heart goes out to you.

Alysa said...

What a difficult decision to have to make. How frustrating and disappointing. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, but I am happy to hear you are moving forward with one option or the other. Your child is out there and the path you choose will be the right one to lead you to her (or him). Have faith.

Sending big hugs, prayers, and good thoughts your way as you go through this transition.


Brad and Stacy said...

I know that this has been a hard road for you. We are all praying for you and here for whatever you need!!

Anonymous said...

Have you joined the Yahoo group adoption agency research to ask about the agencies you are considering? Good luck, your story is really a shame. Connie

lisa said...

You know that I am with you in what ever way you choose to go...Mary you have been such a good friend to me....I will never forget that. I have to believe that we will find our babies. Right? I was also told early on that....."you can not make a mistake" Your child will come to you the way she is supposed to..........This roller coaster is just our journey to find our baby. We are exactly where we are supposed to know where you are going...don't ever doubt that!!

Stephany said...

Trust me when I say, I know exactly how you feel. I also grieved for a little girl I never laid my eyes on. It seems odd when you say it outloud but the pain is real.
I wish you didnt have to go through this heartache. I pray the new journey is a smooth one. You are in my thoughts and prayers...

Julian and Sara Yeomans said...

Mary - our thoughts are with you as you move forward through a difficult decision.

Catalina said...

Dear Mary,
Thank you so much for the posting in my blog, I have updated it :).
I feel very sad you have to switch from Kaz. I wish you good luck with your decision. Be faithful, I am sure you will finally find your child.

I think both programs seem nice, I dont know too much about Kyrgistan, but from blogger friends I heard good things about it.
Russia is a very good option also but pls be very careful, you need to have a very good agency. I am not sure if you know, Russia closed accreditaion for many agencies last year and there were a lot of delays. Also while you are in the country, it depends a lot of your agency connections (same as Kazakhstan actually).
My prayers will be with you,

Aaron & Julie said...

Mary -
Know that we are standing with you in prayer as you make your next decisions toward your child. You have amazing strength and perseverance - my heart is with you as you travel this winding road.

?MomOf4? said...

Thank you for your comments on my blog. I am glad to know that you find my opinions helpful. I am working on a post about countries that (in my opinion) seem stable and like good options right now. Hopefully I will get it up sometime soon.

I am so sorry that the issues in Kaz have caused you so much trouble and pain. It is hard to pick up the pieces and find somewhere else to take them. Sometimes it's hard to have faith in the process at all. We had our share of issues when adopting from Kaz (of course our were agency related) and there were times I wondered how I was supposed to keep going. I can just glance over right now at my sleeping son and I know that it was worth fighting through the hard stuff and making myself keep going!

Our CHI Kaz Adoption said...

We're thinking about all the Kaz families. 1st us now EVERY family is having to go thru this. We don't have any idea what Kazakhstan is doing. It just breaks our hearts to know so many children are not going to have a MAMA and PAPA with this change causing so many to drop out of the KAZ program.
Best wishes in whatever you choose to do.
Brian and Sandy Kelley