Home six months

I am a little overdue as we were home for six months on August 6th. Every day I am still amazed that I get to be the Mom of this little beauty and I marvel at how blessed I am but in many ways it feels like she has always been with me. She is just a part of me and I love her so much.
The weekend of the 6th was our Annual McNab Family Campout--the 25th year. We had an awesome time and Hannah was the talk of the weekend as many people were meeting her for the first time. It was mind blowing to realize that only six months ago she lived in an orphanage in Russia and now she was in America, surrounded by 62 loving family members, and running like crazy with the other kids.
Also I do still remember feeling that the adoption process was so difficult with many disappoints along the way and I remember wondering if it would really happen but......now that part is all a distant memory and doesn't seem so bad. I do believe that the process shouldn't be that hard but I can not wish that any of my journey was different because it lead me to Hannah!

She has learned so much in the last six months. Communication is not an issue with us anymore. She understands everything I say and her vocabulary is expanding rapidly. We are able to have little conversations now and I love it.
She knows all my immediate family (which includes her 16 cousins) by name and just loves to visit or spend time with them.
She is really bonded to me but yet has an independent streak that is usually enjoyable but occassionally frustrating.
She came into the kitchen yesterday saying "Mama, Mama" sounding kind of urgent. When I said "What", she wrapped her arms around my leg and said "I love you so much Mama". and then went back to play. Those are the moments that make everything worthwhile.
She is a little copy cat. The other day she called for me and when I didn't come immediately she said "Mama come now........ONE.....TWO.....THREE". The thing is I have only used that on her twice but she seemed to know it meant business the first time I did it. She doesn't seem to get that I can tell her what to do but she can't tell me what to do.
She is a compassionate little girl and is very upset when anyone else is upset. She always says "I'm sorry" when she thinks she has hurt some one else. Her teacher at daycare says that she always comes over and tries to comfort any kid that is hurt or sad.
Her favorite toys are her babies, her kitchen, puzzles, and her fisher price little people. She loves to ride her bike (with training wheels), walk her baby, go to the park, and go swimming.
She absolutely loves animals with horses being her favorite. I have had a little pony crawling around my house saying "Neigh" for a couple months now. Her teacher said she even had to stop her from eating grass one day.
Movies are another love and I have to limit them as she asks for a movie almost every day. I have become acquainted with all the Disney princesses, Bambi, Toy Story, Dora and Diego, the new Mickey Mouse, Special Agent Oso, the Wonder pets, Little Einsteins, Handy Manny, the wiggles, and Yo Gabba Gabba--all pretty good shows. I no longer keep up on Grey's Anatomy, Desparate Housewives, or the latest Bachelor--nothing I watched before is suitable for a 4 year old.
She is always active and sitting still and listening is her biggest challenge in school. It is also a challenge in church. I think if Mass could be only 30 minutes she would do fine but an hour of stillness and quiet is just too much for her.
She falls asleep in my arms every night and I wake up to her smiling face every morning. Life is good.

Our first six months have been all about getting to know each other and finding our groove together and it's been great. But now I think I am ready to introduce more into her world and I think she is ready for it too. I have her signed up for swimming lessons starting in Sept. and she will start church school in Sept too. I think I also want to get her into some kind of dance as she loves it so much. Our lives are about to get busier but it all sound wonderful.

Fun times

Hannah and I had a photo session and I finally got the CD so will post a few of my favorite pictures--I just love her different expressions on these.








Two nights ago Hannah and I were doing arts and crafts--she was cutting pieces of construction paper and putting stickers on them. It was a child's safety scissors that she was using. I left the table for a few minutes to check on the dinner I was cooking and when I came back I found long pieces of black hair on the floor. I think I did inhale deeply and say "Oh Hannah, your hair" but then composed myself and remained very calm. She was so proud of herself so I just explained that scissors were just for hair and then put the scissors away for the day. It made me sad to see the shorter hair where she cut it but logically I know it is just hair and it will grow back. I haved already been able to laugh when telling the story.



This afternoon we were in the car and playing the "What does a cow say" game. We had exhausted a whole list of animals so I decided to ask "What does Mama say?" I was a little nervous what I would hear but Hannah didn't miss a beat and said "Pray to God, be nice, and no fussing". I guess she does listen.

Two good friends with young children recommended the movie "Discpicable Me" so I took Hannah tonight. I have to admit I wasn't too impressed in the beginning as the main characters talked about stealing and hit each other, blew each other up, and all the adults were mean to the kids, etc. but decided to stick it out a little longer as I heard it had a really great story. About 30 minutes into it (I still didn't see the nice part) Hannah turned to me and said, "Hannah done with this movie Mom". I asked if she wanted to go home and she said Yes so we did. When we got to the car she said, "That big movie naughty Mom". I was actually pretty proud of her as she knows bad behavior when she sees it.

I felt like a bad mommy today--it was sprinkler day at day care today and I forgot Hannah's swimming suit. They had extra t-shirts and underwear at daycare so Hannah had to play in the sprinkler in her underwear but I guess she didn't mind.
Maybe some day I will figure this being organized thing out but then again--maybe not.

sweet bedtime

As kids go, Hannah has always been pretty easy at bedtime--just a short period of hard times about a month after arriving home--otherwise pretty low stress.
These past couple weeks have been another bad stretch. She goes to bed just fine but then will not go to sleep. I have always held her until she is asleep and these past couple weeks she starts kicking, waving her arms, sitting bolt upright--any movement that keeps her awake and then after about 30-40 minutes of that she starts fighting to get out of my arms. I have tried laying her down at that point but it just prolongs the whole process. We both have ended up frustrated until she finally gives in to sleep--often as late as 10pm so I have very little free time afterwards.

Well--tonight was a bedtime of my dreams. At 7:30 she told me she was done with her bath (she never says that as she knows it means bedtime), she was so relaxed while I rubbed her with lotion, she said her prayers beautifully--when she was done she looked at me and said, "God is happy?"--Yes, Hannah, God is very happy you talked to him so nicely. Then she snuggled into my arms and lay there without squirming. She stared into my eyes and I whispered "I love you". Everytime I did that her eyes would flutter shut and then open again until after about the 10th time she whispered back "okay" and they did not open again--she was sound asleep by 8:00. It was so lovely and loving.

I know it won't happen this way often but tonight I am basking in the feeling and reading a good book.

Here are the pictures

I don't know what order they posted in but here are pictures of the Russian singers Hannah and I saw and some others of Hannah.
I played the CD I bought of the Tuvan throat singing group for the first time today and Hannah got very excited when she heard it saying--"Like the show Mom--the music show--I want to see the guys". She insisted on seeing "the guys" until I finally convinced her they were much too far away for us to go see them.
We had a great 4th of July with my sister and her family--baseball in hot humid weather and fireworks--very American. It was fun to have Hannah there thinking that last year she had probably never heard of America and now she was celebrating the birth of our great nation and will grow up with that as just a normal part of her life--amazing!!

Life is good

Can't believe it's been so long since I blogged--funny how that seems to happen when you have a child at home. I thought I would be better but wow--it is lower on my priority list than it used to be. Also I really needed a place to vent and to get support during the waiting time and blogger buddies were fabulous for that and then I needed a way to keep in touch with many friends during the referral and trips period and blogger was great for that. Now, life is going along pretty good and I guess I don't feel those needs so acutely anymore. But...it has been long enough that I miss my blog comments so I had to come back.

We have no big exciting news but have just been living normal life and it has been mostly good.

Hannah is doing very well in her daycare--learning new things, expanding her English so much, and making friends, and going to birthday parties. The only glitch we have had is that last week her teacher (who she loved) quit very suddenly--just didn't show up one day and called in quitting. They have been very good about dealing with that at her school and Hannah doesn't seem fazed but I wonder what she really thinks. I just tell her that Mommies never leave and I will always be there to pick her up from school.

She is very independent and I often hear "Hannah do it" when I try to do things for her but despite that I really think our bonding is going quite well. I have 4 recent examples that all made me smile because they are big changes for us.
I took her to a book signing by one of my favorite authors and when we walked into the book store where lots of people were she said, "Hold my hand Mama".
We were at my sisters house and my sister saw her struggling to put on her shoes and offerred to help. Hannah said, "NO, Mama helps me."
I took her to Toy Story 3 at the theatre and at one point she said "I want to sit on your lap Mama" and at another point she just crawled up on my lap and snuggled in.
Hannah loves movies so we have a movie night once a week at home. When she was first home she would sit as far away from me on the couch as she could get and I remember thinking "I hope some day you will sit on my lap during a movie". Now she wants me right next to her and if I am not close enough she slides as close to me as she can get. Sometimes she will even sit on my lap for most of the movie. If I get up to put clothes in the washer or some other little thing I want to get done, she will come find me and ask "What you doing Mom?" and then expect me to come sit with her again.

She usually never lets me out of her sight for more than 5 minutes when we are home but the other night I was talking to my sister on the phone for at least 20 minutes and I never saw or heard Hannah during that time. I went to investigate when I got off the phone and found her in the bathroom---she had about 8 barrettes in her hair, foundation smeared on her face, her clothes, and most of the bathroom sink, and had black mascara lines on her face. There were also two wet washcloths and towels with make-up on them--I think she was trying to clean up her mess. When I caught her, she looked at me and said "Mama, is Hannah pretty?" OMG--of course I told her she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. and then--we promptly washed off her face and had a discussion about how beautiful Hannah was all the time and that make up is for grown ups, not little girls. She seemed okay with that.
She is such a girly girl that I fear make-up will always be an issue with us. Every single day when we get home she puts on her princess dress and fancy white shoes and wears that for whatever she plans to do--color, dance, watch movies, play with her kitchen or other toys. I finally had to buy another one so she still had one to wear when I was washing it.

She also enjoys helping me and is quite good at drying the small dishes and putting the silverware away from the dishwsher. She also likes to wipe off the counters, cupboard fronts, and anything else she can reach. She never wants to stick around and help me cook though.

Hannah had her first illness since living with me and it was hard on both of us. I took her to church one Sunday morning as usual. Although she was acting very tired that morning so I let her take her blanket into church. Well it was a good thing--about 3/4 of the way through mass she just suddenly vomited. She was sitting on my lap so it went all down my front and her front and then I caught it in her blanket. No harm to the church but we left immediately. Then she had a fever for the next two days and a sore throat for about a week. Strep was negative--just a virus. During the time she was sick she was not herself. She became very whiney and cried a the drop of a hat. She dissolved into tears when I gave her the wrong part of the apple she wanted to eat and had such a pitiful cry anytime I told her no. It was very hard to walk that line between discipline to stop those behaviors and sympathy and caring because I knew she didn't feel well. I was afraid that if I let them produce postive results they would continue after the virus was gone. But..I couldn't just let her cry and held her and cuddled her every time. Fortunately the virus left and she is back to normal. When I tell her "No", she smiles and says "yes", and then when I repeat "No", she gives in and just says "OK"--that's the girl I know.

Here in Rochester they started a "Music of the World" series of concerts. The very first one was a group called Huun Huur Tu--they come from the Tuvan Republic of the Russian Federation and are known around the world for thier Tuvan throat singing techniques. The group was formed in the early 1990's and they now tour the world. It consists of four throat singers who also play traditional Tuvan instruments.
Hannah and I attended the concert. I thought it might be a bit much for a four year old to sit through a whole concert but she was amazing. She loved every minute of their music. She swayed and rocked along to the beat and clapped wildly after every song through the whole 2 hours. She got close to falling asleep but wouldn't let herself.
The music was awesome--I was truly amazed.
I had a great time enjoying the music and also enjoying Hannah's joy.
We got to meet the band afterwards--they were very happy to meet a little girl that was from their "neighborhood".
It was so fun and I am so glad that I took Hannah. I feel like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for us.
We didn't get home until 10pm and Hannah fell asleep on the short ride home. I carried her in and got her in her pajamas without waking her and then went to just lay her down but...she opened her eyes and said "prayers first mom". She stayed awake through all the prayers and then promptly fell back asleep. It is so good to know that she is really listening every night.

I would like to add pictures but my computer is not recognizing my photo card right now so I have to figure that out and will put pictures on my next post.


Our life sounds boring when people ask me what we've done (not very much) but it has been the most fun and exciting 6 months of my life.

Adjustment going well--mostly

Just finishing my fourth week of work. Overall it has gone remarkably well but has of course been an adjustment for both of us.

Hannah is amazing as always. She seemed to genuinely enjoy daycare from day one. She adjusted to the new morning routine so easily and has never been a problem to get going in the morning. She always wakes up happy and is quite talkative and fun on the way to school. In the beginning she just turned to me, said Good-bye and started playing. She mostly played by herself and just watched the other kids and the teacher reported that she was happy and cooperative but quiet. She seemed happy to see me at the end of the day.
Now….She is still easy and fun to get up with in the morning and we have fun on the way to school but she is getting clingy once we get there. We drive into the parking lot and she says “School, Yay” and walks right into her room but doesn’t want me to leave. I think she likes being there but just wants me to stay too. Even though she is clingy she still goes pretty easily, it just takes a little distraction and about 5 good-byes.
She starts playing with the other kids right away and the teacher now reports she is still happy and cooperative but also very talkative and energetic--much like at home. Not much else to report as we haven’t done much else besides work and school--we are both ready to spend our time at home in the evenings and weekends.

My adjustment seems like it is harder than Hannah’s. The morning routine has worked well for me also and I am happy with Hannah’s daycare so that part is good. I am secretly a little happy that she is clingy and doesn’t want me to leave because I want to be that important to her.--maybe that makes me selfish but it’s the truth. I don’t like leaving her and can really tell that our time together is shorter but I have enjoyed being back at work. In my ideal world I could do my job and work part time but that is not the case. The hardest adjustment for me has been my role at work. I have worked in my same area for over 20 years and have been one of the “experts” for quite a while. My work has always been important to me and I put a lot of myself and my time into it. I am now putting a lot of myself into it but am not putting as much time--I am actually leaving on time every day so that I am not leaving Hannah for any longer than I have to. This is fully supported by my boss and coworkers and I am so glad I can do that but………I just can’t be involved in everything that is happening I can’t jump in to fix things for everyone else, and I have to delegate more. I am struggling with the feeling of being less important at work than I used to be. I know it is just my personal feelings and I need to adjust my thinking and I will because I am so happy with my home life but it just hit me harder than I thought it would. I really know that I am replaceable at work now but…………I am not replaceable in Hannah’s life so I shouldn’t need anymore than that. I did get tomorrow morning off work to attend my first Mother’s Day tea at Hannah’s daycare. Should be fun for both of us.

I do find that I am more relaxed. All the little personal conflicts at work don’t bother me as much and I don’t get involved in them because I don’t have the time and frankly they just aren’t important. That has been a good effect. I also am much more relaxed in housekeeping. It makes me fear the thought of unexpected guests dropping by but it is totally worth it when I am playing, laughing, or dancing with Hannah instead of vacuuming or dusting. She is willing to help with chores and does but I want to do funner things with her.

More about Hannah:
She keeps getting cuter every day
I finally got her to eat some vegetables
She loves her Grandma and cousins
She freely gives me hugs and says “I love you so much”
English is coming along--I can understand a lot of what she says but others can’t too good yet.
She can sing her ABC’s, count to 20, and knows most of her nightly prayers
She sometimes is shy and hides behind my leg and sometimes is very outgoing
She loves the park, her baby dolls, pretty ponies, and Disney princess movies
She is very particular about her shoes and which ones go with which outfits--more than me.

We are going to my mom’s this weekend to spend Mother’s Day. My mom has been here a couple times but it will be Hannah’s first time at Grandma’s house so Grandma is excited--should be fun.

Back to work after a busy week

All has been going well with Hannah and I--there has been a lot going on and I don't know where to begin.
She is so sweet and her personality keeps showing more and more every day. We have so much fun together. She seems to be learning so quickly, still uses a lot of gestures to get her message across but her English is starting to grow. She is starting to show frustration when I just don't get what she wants to tell me. Her understanding of the English language has grown tremendously--in fact it seems she understands almost everything I tell her so that makes things easier for me.

Hannah started daycare/preschool a week and a half ago--she has been only going every other day for half days--mostly because I can't stand anymore seperation than that. She seems to be really enjoying it and her teacher says she is doing great. I spent two days there with her and was very satisfied with her teacher and how everything was run. I just wish I didn't have to leave her. It has been harder on me than on her. I start back to work tomorrow so she will be starting full time.

We spent Easter at my sisters and the weather was almost like summer. The kids were able to play outside all afternoon without coats. We had so much fun with two egg hunts. first the big kids (teenagers) hid eggs for the little kids (10 and under)and then the little kids got a chance to hide eggs for the big kids to find. They thought that was so cool. Hannah was the youngest one there but she got into doing everything the other kids did.

Thursday was her 4th birthday. I wanted to spend the entire day with just the two of us so we went to the Minnesota Zoo. It was a wonderful day. Hannah had so much fun seeing all the animals and I had so much fun spending the time with her and seeing things through her eyes. She was such fun company. I keep experiencing new feelings and this day was no exception. I felt more than the joy of being her mom--I just truly enjoyed her as such a fun person to be with. When we got home I had her presents all layed out and she had so much fun opening them and playing with them. She kept saying "Thank you Mom". I was overwhelmed with how perfect a day could be. We had the best little conversation:
Me: Oh Hannah
Hannah: Oh Mama
Me: I love you so much
Hannah: I love you so much
Me: Wasn't this a great day for your birthday?
Hannah just gave me the biggest smile and then the tightest hug. I could feel her happiness and that made me the happiest I have ever been. I hated to put her to bed that night because it meant the great day was ending.

Saturday some of my family came into town and we went to the hotel so Hannah could go swimming with her cousins. She had the best time. It was fun for me too but the constant vigilence of keeping track of her, making sure she is safe in the pool, and that she is behaving is quite tiring. I am used to being the aunt who just can have fun with the kids and it is a totally different role being the caretaker and enforcer.

Hannah's baptism was Sunday. She looked like an angel and she was so good in church. I could not have been more proud. It was quite an emotional moment for me. I am not sure that Hannah understood it but she definitely knew that it was something special.
Following the baptism we had a party at a local pizza place to celebrate that and her birthday. She certainly ran off a lot of energy with her cousins and loved every minute of it. She was so busy I think the only time she stopped to eat was when we had the cake. She was excited for presents and it was fun to watch her because she would look at each present and seemed like every one was just what she wanted. Although there were so many that she actually got tired of it and quit before getting done. Mom had to open the last present for her. I just can't believe all the support that I keep getting from all my friends and family.

Now I am a very exhausted mom after all that and I dread going back to work full time. I actually don't dread the fact of working and having Hannah in daycare but I know how stressful my job was and I know that it will only take a few days to be knee deep in the stress again. I pray that I can leave it at work and just be there for Hannah when I get home.

I know my posts will decrease now but I do hope to keep up with important updates. I have so far been able to say that I haven't experienced the exhaustion that everyone says starts as soon as you get your child but I feel it coming on. Hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised.