Tribute to my Dad

I can’t believe it has been a month since I last blogged.
We took my Dad home on hospice care on Oct. 27th and he passed away on Nov.15th.
Hi last wish was to be at home and we are so happy that we could keep him there until the end. My Mom did an awesome job of taking care of him with the help of myself, my siblings, and the hospice workers who were so fantastic.
During those three weeks, all eight of his children were able to visit and spend time with him and we were able to put him up in the combine so he could make one last round in the corn field which was so important to him. He was so happy that day.
My Dad was never in pain (or so he said) but he did endure a lot over the last 11 months of his life—many hospitalizations, tests, treatments, and surgeries. He was lucid and communicating up to the last few minutes of his life. He and my brother had watched the Minnesota Gophers game that afternoon and discussed the plays. My mom had attended church that evening and brought communion home to my Dad. They prayed together and he received communion from her. Within an hour he was gone.
He was not perfect but he was a really great man and we will miss him terribly. I am sad my child will not meet him but I will have stories to tell and she will know her Granddad.
We know without a doubt that he is in heaven—the Bible tells us that we gain entry into heaven by our faith and my Dad believed!

Leo James McNab
January 25, 1936 – November 15, 2008

Final Harvest
He Was bound to the land from the day of his birth
His roots anchored deep in the fertile earth
Nurtured, sustained, by the soil he grew
And his life, like his furrows, ran straight and true

In faith, each spring, he planted the seeds
In hope, to reap his family’s needs
With patience, he waited for the harvest to come
To gather the fruits of his labor home.

Ever turning seasons, the years sped past
Till the final harvest came at last
Then claimed anew by beloved sod
He was gathered home to be with God.
--Barbara W. Weber

It's been a hard week--Life has so many ups and downs

I haven't blogged about it for quite a while but if you remember back in the spring I talked about my Dad's battle with leukemia and his chemotherapy. Well, the whole summer and fall he has been in and out of the hospital with many infections and complications. He has grown extremely weak and this week the Doctor's met with us to say that there was nothing more we could do and that he would not be getting any better. It is extremely hard news to hear but we really all knew that it was coming. His desire now is to be at home so we plan to take him home this week and do hospice care.
I feel extremely blessed that we were able to have the 50th Wedding Anniversary Party for him and my Mom this August. Right at that time he was feeling the best he had in a while and he was able to enjoy the day and visit with all the people that came. My sister made an awesome video of my parent's lives together that started when they were babies. It was so fun to go through all the old pictures and basically remember our whole lives with Mom and Dad and then share it with everyone at the party. We had seen him sick for so long that it was so nice to see him how he used to be and doing all the things he used to do--really remembering the man he really was.
We also had our family picture taken that weekend and it turned out so great--it is such a blessing that we all have that now and it means more than anything.
I will be taking some time off to be with my Dad and help my Mom take care of him.
I will be thinking of all you friends with new children or still waiting and will be anxious to check back up on you when I can.

Starting all over and getting smarter

I knew starting over would seem like a set back but I didn't realize that it would seem like a totally new journey. The processes between my new and old agencies are so different and I really feel like a newbie. There is so much focus on education and preparation with this agency and it has been great.
The only downfall is that it makes the process a little longer but I have really been enjoying it.
Last week I spent two full days in Pre-Adoption classes where they discussed many topics such as attachment, losses and grief in adoption, development issues, adopting children from institutions vs. foster care, and inter-racial and transcultural parenting. They also had sessions with the specialists from each country they work with and each person could attend two--in these sessions you got an in-depth explanation of the program in that country. I went to Russia and Ethiopia--after doing that I wanted to adopt from both countries! We also had panel discussions led by adoptive persons, adoptive parents, and birth parents so we could get their perspective on all sides of the process. It was extremely enlightening and interesting the whole time. Of course, it was all prospective adoptive parents attending and I got to meet some more great people and make some invaluable connections.
I will also have one more required day of education that is all about adopting a child over one year old. I expect it will be just as interesting and informative and am really looking forward to it. You can bring as many support people to this class as you want so I am hoping that my sisters and my best friend can come with.
I now have TONS of homework--a big long list of essay questions to complete about every topic imaginable when adopting a child from another country.
After spending two days with the staff at the agency and meeting most of the people I will be working with, I feel so good about my choices--they were awesome and it is easy to see that building an effective family is the primary goal.
After my homework is done the social worker will visit and do my homestudy.
It may take me a while but I am off on a new journey to find my daughter in Russia.

New Plan

Hi all,
I have to say Thanks--I was so overwhelmed with the response to my blog going private--it is so comforting to know there are that many people out there to offer support and follow along--I am certainly not alone with this journey.

Many of you have asked--So where did you decide to adopt from?
I have started the process with a new agency and they will use some information from my old homestudy/dossier so that getting things ready will go a little quicker than the first time.
I don't have to commit yet but I am 99% sure that my country will be Russia--that is what I am working on.
It is basically like starting over and it will be a long haul again but I feel a little smarter and I feel pretty comfortable with this program. Of course I did with Kazakhstan also when I started so I realize that anything can happen but I just feel like I will be bringing a daughter home.

It feels really good to have some hope again--August was a really sad month as I struggled with all the emotions of a failed adoption attempt. It still is hard to get too excited because I know what can happen but I feel like I have something to hope in again.
I know alot of my friends struggled also or are still struggling with the same issues. I can only say that I pray for you and I hope that you find your hope also.

Song to my Child

I haven't figured out how to put music on my blog yet but this song of Elton John's is just what I want to say to my child that is out there somewhere.

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

CHORUS:
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

It's official

I knew today was coming but I got the official phone call today that said my dossier was returned and they actually had it back in St. Louis. Until today I could hold out a small glimmer of hope but now it's official--my Kazakhstan adoption journey has ended.

I do have a new plan in the works and I am hoping that it works out much better. Now that I know what kind of things can happen, it is even more scary than the first time. Starting the wait over is going to be the hardest part--I am ready to have a child home now.
I have seen many others have difficulties and changes along the way in their adoption journeys and they all say that in the end when they got their child, they knew why all the waits happened because they knew they met "their" child and it all worked out to be a perfect match. I am holding on to this thought as I go forward. I have faith that God has something good planned for me.

I have decided to make my blog private as I continue on this journey. If you would like an invitation please leave me a comment with your email address and I will send out the invite.
I have had so much great support from other Kaz parents (and a few from other countries)--I hope to keep you all in my corner. Thanks everyone.

All about Mom and Dad

No adoption news yet.
Just wanted to talk about the 50th Wedding Anniversary party--It was a huge success.
My parents were so happy that day and everything turned out beautifully.
The weather was great, the food was good, my sister made this awesome video of our family that started when my parents were babies.
We had about 200 quests and all had a good time.
All in all I would say we threw a smashingly successful bash.

The smaller after-party party at my Brother's house was equally as fun. It was just immediate family and a few very close friends--very casual and enjoyable. This is where the beer came out and the bonfire was built--fireworks even went off.

The next morning we all went to church and sat together in the front--taking up seven pews!! The Priest did a very nice special blessing of my parents and included them in his homily. It was pretty cool.

After church we all piled into about 5 cars and went to the photographer where we had a complete family picture--all 30 of us were there. Our last professional family picture was 27 years ago so we were due.

It is times like this that make me realize what a great family I have.
Okay--one mention of adoption--I can't wait to bring a child into this family!



Me with my parents

My niece Emily wearing Mom's wedding dress

My niece Kristin wearing Mom's "going away" dress

Emily in the bridesmaids dress my aunt wore and Kristin in Mom's wedding dress

A couple days after the party, my Dad came back to Rochester and ended up in the hospital again. This time with pneumonia and an infection in his blood. Maybe the party wore him out but he wouldn't have changed it or missed it for the world.

He is still in the hospital here and slowly improving. He will need to remain on IV therapy for about three more weeks so we are looking at getting him transferred closer to home for that. I hope this long term therapy finally clears his infections and gives him the boost he needs to start getting well.