Hi all,
I have to say Thanks--I was so overwhelmed with the response to my blog going private--it is so comforting to know there are that many people out there to offer support and follow along--I am certainly not alone with this journey.
Many of you have asked--So where did you decide to adopt from?
I have started the process with a new agency and they will use some information from my old homestudy/dossier so that getting things ready will go a little quicker than the first time.
I don't have to commit yet but I am 99% sure that my country will be Russia--that is what I am working on.
It is basically like starting over and it will be a long haul again but I feel a little smarter and I feel pretty comfortable with this program. Of course I did with Kazakhstan also when I started so I realize that anything can happen but I just feel like I will be bringing a daughter home.
It feels really good to have some hope again--August was a really sad month as I struggled with all the emotions of a failed adoption attempt. It still is hard to get too excited because I know what can happen but I feel like I have something to hope in again.
I know alot of my friends struggled also or are still struggling with the same issues. I can only say that I pray for you and I hope that you find your hope also.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Song to my Child
I haven't figured out how to put music on my blog yet but this song of Elton John's is just what I want to say to my child that is out there somewhere.
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
CHORUS:
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
CHORUS:
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It's official
I knew today was coming but I got the official phone call today that said my dossier was returned and they actually had it back in St. Louis. Until today I could hold out a small glimmer of hope but now it's official--my Kazakhstan adoption journey has ended.
I do have a new plan in the works and I am hoping that it works out much better. Now that I know what kind of things can happen, it is even more scary than the first time. Starting the wait over is going to be the hardest part--I am ready to have a child home now.
I have seen many others have difficulties and changes along the way in their adoption journeys and they all say that in the end when they got their child, they knew why all the waits happened because they knew they met "their" child and it all worked out to be a perfect match. I am holding on to this thought as I go forward. I have faith that God has something good planned for me.
I have decided to make my blog private as I continue on this journey. If you would like an invitation please leave me a comment with your email address and I will send out the invite.
I have had so much great support from other Kaz parents (and a few from other countries)--I hope to keep you all in my corner. Thanks everyone.
I do have a new plan in the works and I am hoping that it works out much better. Now that I know what kind of things can happen, it is even more scary than the first time. Starting the wait over is going to be the hardest part--I am ready to have a child home now.
I have seen many others have difficulties and changes along the way in their adoption journeys and they all say that in the end when they got their child, they knew why all the waits happened because they knew they met "their" child and it all worked out to be a perfect match. I am holding on to this thought as I go forward. I have faith that God has something good planned for me.
I have decided to make my blog private as I continue on this journey. If you would like an invitation please leave me a comment with your email address and I will send out the invite.
I have had so much great support from other Kaz parents (and a few from other countries)--I hope to keep you all in my corner. Thanks everyone.
Friday, September 5, 2008
All about Mom and Dad
No adoption news yet.
Just wanted to talk about the 50th Wedding Anniversary party--It was a huge success.
My parents were so happy that day and everything turned out beautifully.
The weather was great, the food was good, my sister made this awesome video of our family that started when my parents were babies.
We had about 200 quests and all had a good time.
All in all I would say we threw a smashingly successful bash.
The smaller after-party party at my Brother's house was equally as fun. It was just immediate family and a few very close friends--very casual and enjoyable. This is where the beer came out and the bonfire was built--fireworks even went off.
The next morning we all went to church and sat together in the front--taking up seven pews!! The Priest did a very nice special blessing of my parents and included them in his homily. It was pretty cool.
After church we all piled into about 5 cars and went to the photographer where we had a complete family picture--all 30 of us were there. Our last professional family picture was 27 years ago so we were due.
It is times like this that make me realize what a great family I have.
Okay--one mention of adoption--I can't wait to bring a child into this family!
Me with my parents
My niece Emily wearing Mom's wedding dress
My niece Kristin wearing Mom's "going away" dress
Emily in the bridesmaids dress my aunt wore and Kristin in Mom's wedding dress
A couple days after the party, my Dad came back to Rochester and ended up in the hospital again. This time with pneumonia and an infection in his blood. Maybe the party wore him out but he wouldn't have changed it or missed it for the world.
He is still in the hospital here and slowly improving. He will need to remain on IV therapy for about three more weeks so we are looking at getting him transferred closer to home for that. I hope this long term therapy finally clears his infections and gives him the boost he needs to start getting well.
Just wanted to talk about the 50th Wedding Anniversary party--It was a huge success.
My parents were so happy that day and everything turned out beautifully.
The weather was great, the food was good, my sister made this awesome video of our family that started when my parents were babies.
We had about 200 quests and all had a good time.
All in all I would say we threw a smashingly successful bash.
The smaller after-party party at my Brother's house was equally as fun. It was just immediate family and a few very close friends--very casual and enjoyable. This is where the beer came out and the bonfire was built--fireworks even went off.
The next morning we all went to church and sat together in the front--taking up seven pews!! The Priest did a very nice special blessing of my parents and included them in his homily. It was pretty cool.
After church we all piled into about 5 cars and went to the photographer where we had a complete family picture--all 30 of us were there. Our last professional family picture was 27 years ago so we were due.
It is times like this that make me realize what a great family I have.
Okay--one mention of adoption--I can't wait to bring a child into this family!
Me with my parents
My niece Emily wearing Mom's wedding dress
My niece Kristin wearing Mom's "going away" dress
Emily in the bridesmaids dress my aunt wore and Kristin in Mom's wedding dress
A couple days after the party, my Dad came back to Rochester and ended up in the hospital again. This time with pneumonia and an infection in his blood. Maybe the party wore him out but he wouldn't have changed it or missed it for the world.
He is still in the hospital here and slowly improving. He will need to remain on IV therapy for about three more weeks so we are looking at getting him transferred closer to home for that. I hope this long term therapy finally clears his infections and gives him the boost he needs to start getting well.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Time for decisions
This past weekend we had my parents 50th wedding anniversary party--August 23rd was their actual wedding date. It was a great day and they had a wonderful time--more about that on a later post--hopefully with pictures.
On the adoption front--I have so appreciated all the support from fellow bloggers--my family and friends are great and supportive but don't really understand all the stuff going on in IA--not that we really do either but at least you really understand how it affects me and your support has been tremendous.
In between party planning I have tried to research options--it is time to move on.
I still feel the sadness of losing out on Kazakhstan--I really thought my daughter was there and I grieve for the little girl I never met there. I truly hope that the changes they are making help all the orphans in Kaz find homes and I pray for them daily.
I don't feel like I can start over in Kazakhstan with all the uncertainty that looms for singles adopting there.
I looked for good programs that could likely accomplish an adoption for a single woman in one year or less which didn't leave a lot open.
I think I have narrowed it down to two options.
1. Krygyzstan--this program is very similar to Kaz except that they do referrals and give information about the child prior to travel. the country and children are similar to Kaz so it feels familiar to me and I like that. they do not allow gender selection (with most agencies) and I can go with that. The downside is that it is a very small country so there are fewer children and many more PAP's are looking at it since Kaz has gotten so much more difficult. I have joined a Krygyzstan chat group and just like the Kaz group, they are an amazing group and I have made friends already. that is the advantage of the smaller group--I already feel like I know some of them.
2. Russia--This is a very long established program that has been very stable in the past year. They do still allow single parents and gender selection. this is a much larger group of PAP's so it doesn't feel quite as personal but still a great bunch of people. The biggest advantage of this program is the proven stablity. While there are no guarantees in IA--this sounds about as close as you can get to one.
With each option I have a specific agency in mind. I don't want to name the agencies yet but I have had great conversations with both. I have been impressed with the people I have contacted and they both sound very promising. The Krygyzstan agency is smaller and so is the country--for some reason this appeals to me but I liked that about Kazakhstan when choosing that and it didn't turn out so well.
The agency with Russia is the largest one there and works with about 25 regions in Russia. They have been very stable which is very attractive to me at this point.
How do I decide what to do??? I need to pray and think and then just dive in.
Any comments, suggestions, prayers or well wishes you could send my way would be greatly appreciated. I definitely want to stay connected with all the Kaz families I have come to know through this process--I love reading about your families and adoption journeys and you have been my support for the last 18 months so I don't want to lose that.
On the adoption front--I have so appreciated all the support from fellow bloggers--my family and friends are great and supportive but don't really understand all the stuff going on in IA--not that we really do either but at least you really understand how it affects me and your support has been tremendous.
In between party planning I have tried to research options--it is time to move on.
I still feel the sadness of losing out on Kazakhstan--I really thought my daughter was there and I grieve for the little girl I never met there. I truly hope that the changes they are making help all the orphans in Kaz find homes and I pray for them daily.
I don't feel like I can start over in Kazakhstan with all the uncertainty that looms for singles adopting there.
I looked for good programs that could likely accomplish an adoption for a single woman in one year or less which didn't leave a lot open.
I think I have narrowed it down to two options.
1. Krygyzstan--this program is very similar to Kaz except that they do referrals and give information about the child prior to travel. the country and children are similar to Kaz so it feels familiar to me and I like that. they do not allow gender selection (with most agencies) and I can go with that. The downside is that it is a very small country so there are fewer children and many more PAP's are looking at it since Kaz has gotten so much more difficult. I have joined a Krygyzstan chat group and just like the Kaz group, they are an amazing group and I have made friends already. that is the advantage of the smaller group--I already feel like I know some of them.
2. Russia--This is a very long established program that has been very stable in the past year. They do still allow single parents and gender selection. this is a much larger group of PAP's so it doesn't feel quite as personal but still a great bunch of people. The biggest advantage of this program is the proven stablity. While there are no guarantees in IA--this sounds about as close as you can get to one.
With each option I have a specific agency in mind. I don't want to name the agencies yet but I have had great conversations with both. I have been impressed with the people I have contacted and they both sound very promising. The Krygyzstan agency is smaller and so is the country--for some reason this appeals to me but I liked that about Kazakhstan when choosing that and it didn't turn out so well.
The agency with Russia is the largest one there and works with about 25 regions in Russia. They have been very stable which is very attractive to me at this point.
How do I decide what to do??? I need to pray and think and then just dive in.
Any comments, suggestions, prayers or well wishes you could send my way would be greatly appreciated. I definitely want to stay connected with all the Kaz families I have come to know through this process--I love reading about your families and adoption journeys and you have been my support for the last 18 months so I don't want to lose that.
Friday, August 15, 2008
It's been a bad day
Yesterday we got bad news about the Kazakhstan program.
The Committee of Child's Rights Protection, in Astana, has informed all agency representatives of a new policy change regarding gender request. Effective immediately, any dossiers that have requested a specific gender, and have not yet been assigned to a region, will be returned with no exceptions. In their own words, "All children are equal and have equal rights for family and happiness!"
Unfortunately, this will mean that dossiers that are resubmitted will have to go through the Kazakhstan Embassy in Washington D.C.
I was totally crushed. My dossier has been in Kazakhstan since Sept. but no region assignment yet so this was the news I had been dreading--that some change would come along and kick me out of the program. I totally agree that all children are created equal and deserve loving homes and I would gladly take any child however 18 months ago I was told to request exactly what I preferred--I have done everything that has been asked along this journey and now I feel as if I am being punished for doing something that I didn't even know was wrong. If only we could change our dossiers and stay in place at the MOE--why do we have to start over????? I don't know what to think anymore--I am just very sad.
The Committee of Child's Rights Protection, in Astana, has informed all agency representatives of a new policy change regarding gender request. Effective immediately, any dossiers that have requested a specific gender, and have not yet been assigned to a region, will be returned with no exceptions. In their own words, "All children are equal and have equal rights for family and happiness!"
Unfortunately, this will mean that dossiers that are resubmitted will have to go through the Kazakhstan Embassy in Washington D.C.
I was totally crushed. My dossier has been in Kazakhstan since Sept. but no region assignment yet so this was the news I had been dreading--that some change would come along and kick me out of the program. I totally agree that all children are created equal and deserve loving homes and I would gladly take any child however 18 months ago I was told to request exactly what I preferred--I have done everything that has been asked along this journey and now I feel as if I am being punished for doing something that I didn't even know was wrong. If only we could change our dossiers and stay in place at the MOE--why do we have to start over????? I don't know what to think anymore--I am just very sad.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Thanks Rose
I have to say Thanks to Rose--I got this song off her blog but I really liked it and it so pertains to this adoption waiting period:
One Step at a Time"
Jordin Sparks
Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste, but you just can't touch
You wanna show the world
But no one knows your name yet
Who and when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can, if you get the chance
In your face, the door keeps slammin
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kinds of impatient
Waiting
(Chorus)
We live and we learn
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen, when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time
You believe, and you doubt
You're confused, you've got it all figured out
Everything that you've always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, or would be yours
If they only knew
You wanna show the world
But no one knows your name yet
Who and when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can, if you get the chance
In your face, the door keeps slammin
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're gettin all kinds of impatient
Waiting
We live and we learn
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen, when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's your faith that makes you strong
Only way we get there
Is one step at a time
One Step at a Time"
Jordin Sparks
Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste, but you just can't touch
You wanna show the world
But no one knows your name yet
Who and when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can, if you get the chance
In your face, the door keeps slammin
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kinds of impatient
Waiting
(Chorus)
We live and we learn
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen, when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time
You believe, and you doubt
You're confused, you've got it all figured out
Everything that you've always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, or would be yours
If they only knew
You wanna show the world
But no one knows your name yet
Who and when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can, if you get the chance
In your face, the door keeps slammin
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're gettin all kinds of impatient
Waiting
We live and we learn
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen, when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's your faith that makes you strong
Only way we get there
Is one step at a time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
